On Raising Good Eaters

5 Simple Rules to Avoid Mealtime Battles and Help Your Child Develop Healthy Eating Habits

Throughout my five years of this journey into parenthood, there have obviously been many highs and many lows. I could list several areas where my husband and I have been less-than-exemplar parents. For example, if our five-year-old daughter got to choose, she’d still sleep with us every night. Or this, our three-year-old son loves weekends mainly because he’s allowed to stay in his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle undies all day, which is another winning example at how much we rock at parenting. But, all joking aside, there have been a few things that we’ve really been successful with.

One shining example of our brazen parenting success happens to be in an area that’s really, really important. That’s good, right? It might counteract the fact that our son galavants around our home in his skivvies two out of seven days of the week (at least)? I hope so.

At the risk of sounding boastful, and in side-stepping my ingrained Midwestern modesty, I’d like to share something that I am very proud of, as an announcement of sorts. Here it is: My kids are good eaters. Not only are they good eaters, but they truly are excellent consumers of healthy and substantial foods that nourish their growing little bodies. And they really don’t whine about eating.

Our children (the two on the right) eating a picnic lunch with their twin cousins.

I can’t believe how often I’ve heard a co-worker, a mom-aquaintance-at-gymnastics-class, or even a dear friend or relative share their distraught frustrations over their children’s finicky eating habits. So many parents I’ve spoken with over the years have experienced a lot of trouble with getting their kids to eat well, and from what these individuals have shared, having children who don’t eat well can be an anxiety-ridden experience that’s hard on both the children and the parents.

What I’m sharing that’s worked for us is basically how we do food around our house, it’s how we approach mealtime and the ideas behind eating in a very general sense. It’s a set of “rules” that we’ve followed, more or less, since we embarked on this journey of parenthood several years ago. I never set out and intentionally created this list, in a black and white manner, but it’s been a list that’s evolved naturally as our children have grown and changed. These rules have been influenced by both my childhood experiences with eating and meals and my husband’s experiences. These rules have also been shaped by what I’ve learned as a person who has always loved to cook and bake and learn about food. The numerous books and blogs I’ve read about food and cooking over the years have directly impacted how we do things in our family as well.

In our home, this is how eating works, more or less, and what has groomed our two children into healthy eaters:

1. Eat together, as an entire family, around the kitchen or dining room table, for the majority of your meals. I can think of very few times that I have prepared food earlier for our kids, and then another meal later, for my husband and I. (There’s a reason this is rule number one.)
2. Prepare one meal. I have never, and I mean never, cooked something for my husband and I and prepared an “alternate” meal for the kids. There are no PB&J sandwiches or hotdogs served here if one of our little people doesn’t want what I’ve cooked. It’s just never been an option, and our kids don’t expect it to be, so it’s never been an issue.
3. Wen it comes to a meal you’ve prepared, don’t allow your children to say, “I don’t like it.” If one of them does react with a statement like this, we remind them that, 1) it’s not respectful to say that after someone’s worked hard to prepare a food for you, and 2) we don’t always have to “like” food, we eat things because they’re good for us, and usually we really like things, but not always. It’s helpful to give alternatives, like, “This food looks new to me, I’m not sure what it will be like!” Or, “I haven’t had this before, can you tell me about it?” If one of our kids hops up to the dinner table and immediately lets out an, “Uh, I don’t like that,” I’ll often remind them of number one and two (above) and give them a chance to try again. They hop back down, then return to their chair and try to say something more respectful.
4. Don’t force kids don’t have to finish their meal, don’t turn mealtime into a battle. That is correct, we do not make our kids finish their food. We do strongly encourage them to try everything, and if they don’t finish their food there is no option of dessert, but if they truly don’t want to eat something, it’s okay. I know that if they are actually physiologicallyhungry, they will come back to finish. And, if they don’t finish their food at one meal, they will certainly be much hungrier and more ready to eat their next meal, which will also (ordinarily) be full of healthy and substantial options. If they’d get an alternate option for something they don’t think they “like” then they’d be more inclined to whine for that more palatable option (which, in a toddler’s opinion, is usually something filling and comforting, but not necessarily nutritious, like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or macaroni and cheese) at the next meal as well. It’s a cyclical problem, that’s very tough to get out of. Good thing hunger works on our side as parents. When our kids are hungrier, they’re more likely to eat what you give them.
5. Watch the snacks. Our children have never really been on a snack regimen or schedule. No 10:00am snack, or 2:00pm snack, as a rule. Sure, they snack sometimes, but it’s not an everyday occurrence that their bodies are used to. I also make a concerted effort not to use food as a peacemaker (in a Target shopping cart, for instance, or waiting for an appointment, as another example). We treat mealtimes as our time to eat. Again, when it comes to lunchtime or suppertime, the kids will be hungry, and ready to eat the healthy meal I’ve prepared for them. If they’ve filled up on Goldfish or fruit snacks during your 4:30pm Target run, it’s no wonder they’ll be reluctant to eat the salmon and steamed asparagus you’re planning to serve at 5:30pm for dinner. A hungry tummy is more willing to try new things.

So, there you have it, five rules to cure your picky eater. This is what’s worked, tried and true for our family for the past six years. Our children do not whine about food. Our mealtimes are not a battle ground. Yours doesn’t need to be either.